It's been a whole month with Kirstin and Yura AND Hunter and Maximus. We've settled into somewhat of a routine. Tom and I continue to be very grateful to be here. I especially have enjoyed getting to spend more time with grandboys. For some reason it's been harder for me to write--not sure what that's all about. Here are some things I have learned over the last few weeks.
For 40 years Tom and I have willingly done what was important to the other person. If one of us really wanted to do something, the other went along unless there was a really good reason. That has changed and it's taking some adjusting attitude. One night our flock group was getting together and I had REALLY been looking forward to it but Tom said he didn't feel well and didn't want to go. To my way of thinking he was using how he felt as an excuse and just didn't want to go. I called our friends to say we wouldn't be there and that Tom as being a "crabby old man". As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them but it took several days of seeking God's help and wisdom to understand what was going on between us and within myself. I've been spoiled. Tom has always taken such good care of me and I miss it. But then the very next day I was sitting in the porch swing rocking a sleeping Maximus. I reached for a pillow to put behind my head but it fell to the floor and I couldn't get it without disturbing M. Tom must have been watching through the window because here he came with a pillow and gently put it behind my head and gave me a gentle touch on my cheek. I know that Tom has all he can deal with and have decided that I will continue to invite him to participate and do things but the choice is his and I WILL NOT resent his saying "no". My goal right now is to be as supportive as I can be and allow him to make his own decisions--to be his wife and not his mother.
Last weekend we took the RV for an overnight to Oak Harbor to visit longtime friends. One of the best things was the way Norm spent talking with Tom one on one. He got Tom to communicate more than he's done in a long time. They both have health issues and were able to speak very openly with each other. It was a rare time and we left feeling very thankful for our time with them.
Last week Tom and I took Maximus to the zoo with our daughter Kylisa and he two boys. We were on the go for 2 hours and walking much of that time. Tom amazes me. He says he doesn't think he can walk very far and then he surprises us both. He enjoyed the animals. The giraffes were being very affectionate with each other rubbing their necks against each other and their faces. Tom wrote on his board: "They're necking!" Made us both laugh.
I've been on a 3 game winning streak in cribbage but today Tom is back in the winning circle. He's also back to doing jigsaw puzzles.
His biggest challenge continues to be managing saliva. We're hopeful that the doctor we're seeing in September will be able to help--wish it was sooner.
Kirstin and Yura took the boys to Lopez Island for the weekend with friends. While they were gone I had a great time tearing the kitchen apart and reorganizing all the cupboards. Kirstin is amazing at organizing other people but, like most of us, has found it hard to organize herself. She had given me permission to do whatever I wanted with it. I kept thinking I should stop but once I got going I just kept going. I said they would either love me or say that they would never leave me home alone again. They liked it! What a fun gift to give them.
I kept hoping that their chickens would be gone while they were gone but each day I got up and they had survived the night--phooey! I am still jealous of the real estate they have been given. I have to laugh when I think of growing up on a chicken farm where we had thousands of chickens and now here I am living with 2 more. I'm sure there's humor in there somewhere.
Other big treats were baking cookies with Hunter and his friend Grady and spending an evening with grandboys Jackson and Grayson. The funniest line of the night was 3 year old Jackson telling his grandmother that we couldn't play air hockey because it would be too loud for sleeping Grayson! While I thought that our move to Seattle was more for Tom to be near "action" I know now that it has been important for me, too. I love being with the grandchildren and how they make me feel.
God is good and I praise Him daily for His faithfulness and provision. I love seeing Him in the little things of life and don't want to miss any of it. I know there are many who uphold us in prayer and I know it's making a difference. It feels good to write again.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
We are moved
Phew! The move is done and Sports Camp is finished and Tom and I are settling in and my brain feels like it's holding way too much stuff 'cause I just haven't had the energy/discipline to sit and write. It's amazing to me how thoughts accumulate. It's a good reminder just how much good therapy and release this blog spot gives me. So let's back up. . . . .
The week prior to July 11th was packing week. I still can't believe how much stuff we still have after several downsizings. It's also very freeing to realize how little of it is of much importance. The most fun has been when one of our children has expressed interest in something and we can give it to them. Then when we visit in their homes we get to enjoy THEM enjoying stuff we have enjoyed over the years. Saturday, July 11th was a warm, okay, HOT day. We rented a UHaul and hired 2 moving men to help us. Our children were also there to help and the move really went pretty smooth. The challenge was getting the boxes to the correct destinations--Kirstin's, storage or Kylisa's (for garage sale later).
The morning of the move I broke down in tears in the shower thinking that life as we had known it was now over and would never be the same and how would it all work. I believe God spoke to me and told me that every day we get up life is new and will never be the same. I had to agree and very quickly got over my panicky moment. Later that night Kirstin, Yura and I had dinner together. Kirstin and I had a good opportunity to talk and she expressed much the same panicky thoughts. It was good to talk it through and to agree that we would work hard to keep good lines of communication open. If something is bothering one of us and it has to do with the other we will share it. After those moments of anxious thoughts all seems to be going well. We are enjoying being close to our family. Tom especially looks forward to hanging out with Kemp in his new workshop. The first morning we woke up to the sounds of two year old Maximus' laughter--best sound in the world.
Last week was hard but good. It was hard for Tom to have me gone every night--didn't get home till 10:00 after camp each night. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking scheduling the move for the weekend before sports camp but now that it's done it's nice not to have to think about it any more. Camp went very well. I had great assistants. Two girls accepted Jesus as their Savior and Lord--a definite highlight that makes all the exhaustion worth it.
Tom has had very mixed days. He's expressed frustration can't talk, can't eat, can't drink" is what he wrote one day. At other times he is content. He is still beating me at cribbage. Together we are enjoying talking about and sharing
our footloose and carefree (kind of) new life.
The last few days I have been finishing unpacking and organizing AND catching up on rest. Tomorrow I will be back in the office hoping to work out a schedule that will work for all. Yesterday I was determined to begin walking with the hope of walking at least 5 out of 7 days. I finally headed to Greenlake about 6:30 pm and walked for about an hour but only covered about 2/3 of the 3 mile walk--that's my best guess and today best laid plans have taken a back seat to spending time with Kylisa and her boys. Enjoyed hanging out in her back yard with water and mud and lots of balls.
While walking yesterday I listened to a podcast. Ravi Zacharias is a wonderful speaker. He talked about looking through a person rather than at them; looking through a situation rather than at it. Interesting thought. When we look at a person we only see what the eyes can take in. When we look through them we see from God's perspective--His purpose and plan for their life. When we look at a situation we only see the problem or difficulty or pain. When we look through it we again see it from God's perspective--how He is working through it and how it will bring Him glory. That's not a very good summary and I don't know if it makes sense--I just know that yesterday the message was an encouragement.
So life is over as we have known it and will never be the same. And that's not a bad thing. What is the same is who we trust with our lives and that's all that really matters. He is faithful and trust worthy. We're in good hands.
The week prior to July 11th was packing week. I still can't believe how much stuff we still have after several downsizings. It's also very freeing to realize how little of it is of much importance. The most fun has been when one of our children has expressed interest in something and we can give it to them. Then when we visit in their homes we get to enjoy THEM enjoying stuff we have enjoyed over the years. Saturday, July 11th was a warm, okay, HOT day. We rented a UHaul and hired 2 moving men to help us. Our children were also there to help and the move really went pretty smooth. The challenge was getting the boxes to the correct destinations--Kirstin's, storage or Kylisa's (for garage sale later).
The morning of the move I broke down in tears in the shower thinking that life as we had known it was now over and would never be the same and how would it all work. I believe God spoke to me and told me that every day we get up life is new and will never be the same. I had to agree and very quickly got over my panicky moment. Later that night Kirstin, Yura and I had dinner together. Kirstin and I had a good opportunity to talk and she expressed much the same panicky thoughts. It was good to talk it through and to agree that we would work hard to keep good lines of communication open. If something is bothering one of us and it has to do with the other we will share it. After those moments of anxious thoughts all seems to be going well. We are enjoying being close to our family. Tom especially looks forward to hanging out with Kemp in his new workshop. The first morning we woke up to the sounds of two year old Maximus' laughter--best sound in the world.
Last week was hard but good. It was hard for Tom to have me gone every night--didn't get home till 10:00 after camp each night. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking scheduling the move for the weekend before sports camp but now that it's done it's nice not to have to think about it any more. Camp went very well. I had great assistants. Two girls accepted Jesus as their Savior and Lord--a definite highlight that makes all the exhaustion worth it.
Tom has had very mixed days. He's expressed frustration can't talk, can't eat, can't drink" is what he wrote one day. At other times he is content. He is still beating me at cribbage. Together we are enjoying talking about and sharing
our footloose and carefree (kind of) new life.
The last few days I have been finishing unpacking and organizing AND catching up on rest. Tomorrow I will be back in the office hoping to work out a schedule that will work for all. Yesterday I was determined to begin walking with the hope of walking at least 5 out of 7 days. I finally headed to Greenlake about 6:30 pm and walked for about an hour but only covered about 2/3 of the 3 mile walk--that's my best guess and today best laid plans have taken a back seat to spending time with Kylisa and her boys. Enjoyed hanging out in her back yard with water and mud and lots of balls.
While walking yesterday I listened to a podcast. Ravi Zacharias is a wonderful speaker. He talked about looking through a person rather than at them; looking through a situation rather than at it. Interesting thought. When we look at a person we only see what the eyes can take in. When we look through them we see from God's perspective--His purpose and plan for their life. When we look at a situation we only see the problem or difficulty or pain. When we look through it we again see it from God's perspective--how He is working through it and how it will bring Him glory. That's not a very good summary and I don't know if it makes sense--I just know that yesterday the message was an encouragement.
So life is over as we have known it and will never be the same. And that's not a bad thing. What is the same is who we trust with our lives and that's all that really matters. He is faithful and trust worthy. We're in good hands.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Can't sleep
I can't sleep. It's 1:00 am and my brain is on overload thinking of all that needs to happen for this move on Saturday. I'm having to decide what to take with us, what to get rid of and what to put in storage. It's the storage part that is making me crazy. There's an spoken reality to it that I can't even talk about now. In the midst of this disease it seems as though it will be like what it is today forever and we will just live with it and that's okay but then you read about the disease and they keep saying it's progressive and I just want it to stop!
The last few days I have been so on the go that I haven't stopped to spend much time in God's word and to listen for what He is saying and I can really feel it. Just before signing on here I read a devotion that comes to my email and it was a good reminder of how dependent we are on Him. It comes from Adrian Rogers.
Dependence on God - a Witness of His Power
BIBLE MEDITATION:2 Corinthians 4:7 - "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."
DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT:If you’re like most people, you don’t realize your dependency on God until you’re burned out from stress — either self-induced or caused by circumstances beyond your control. Why is that? Paul says it’s because we are fragile, but he doesn’t stop there. He says that God made us this way so that His power may be known through us! Maybe someone told you, “Oh, just tie a knot and hang on!” Sometimes God wants us to let go of the rope because it is keeping us tied down to our destructive habits. We are totally dependent on God so that the love of His Son may be made known to the world.
ACTION POINT: Get a piece of rope and tie a knot in it. Let it sit on your desk this week as a reminder that God is more than just a knot at the end of the rope; He is the Savior of the World!
Earlier today I took my car in to be serviced and then took a shuttle back to Kirstin's house. The driver turned out to be a Christian who asked about our life and when I told him what was happening he said he would be praying. I am so thankful for all who are so faithful to pray.
Something to be thankful for is the yeast infection Tom's body has been fighting seems to be on its way out! YEAH! It's really played havoc with him and makes his throat burn. Hopefully it will clear up completely and stay away!
OK, I'm going to go back to bed and hopefully fall asleep soon. I just don't want to think anymore--thoughts in the middle of the night can be so confusing.
The last few days I have been so on the go that I haven't stopped to spend much time in God's word and to listen for what He is saying and I can really feel it. Just before signing on here I read a devotion that comes to my email and it was a good reminder of how dependent we are on Him. It comes from Adrian Rogers.
Dependence on God - a Witness of His Power
BIBLE MEDITATION:2 Corinthians 4:7 - "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."
DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT:If you’re like most people, you don’t realize your dependency on God until you’re burned out from stress — either self-induced or caused by circumstances beyond your control. Why is that? Paul says it’s because we are fragile, but he doesn’t stop there. He says that God made us this way so that His power may be known through us! Maybe someone told you, “Oh, just tie a knot and hang on!” Sometimes God wants us to let go of the rope because it is keeping us tied down to our destructive habits. We are totally dependent on God so that the love of His Son may be made known to the world.
ACTION POINT: Get a piece of rope and tie a knot in it. Let it sit on your desk this week as a reminder that God is more than just a knot at the end of the rope; He is the Savior of the World!
Earlier today I took my car in to be serviced and then took a shuttle back to Kirstin's house. The driver turned out to be a Christian who asked about our life and when I told him what was happening he said he would be praying. I am so thankful for all who are so faithful to pray.
Something to be thankful for is the yeast infection Tom's body has been fighting seems to be on its way out! YEAH! It's really played havoc with him and makes his throat burn. Hopefully it will clear up completely and stay away!
OK, I'm going to go back to bed and hopefully fall asleep soon. I just don't want to think anymore--thoughts in the middle of the night can be so confusing.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Back from Oregon
Just back from celebrating the 4th with friends on Whidbey Island. It was good being with friends. It's hard watching Tom--how this enemy of ours has robbed him--free, laugh filled conversation, fellowship over a shared meal, long walks on the beach. Something else is how much we have enjoyed each other's touch and now touch often bothers him. I long to just hold him but he's not comfortable with that--I greive that lost greatly. I think back to a year ago being at the same place with many of the same people and how different it is this year--how quickly life changes. Tonight we will be home just enjoying being together.
Yesterday we spent the day at Kirstin's caring for Moose while Kirstin and Yura finished painting their new bedroom. I cannot stop being grateful for the gift they are giving us. The model of multiple generations living together is such an old one and already I am starting to see the precious value of it. I've had many emotions in getting ready for this but after yesterday I feel nothing but anticipation of something very good. They are doing a wonderful job of making us feel welcome--simple things like clearing space for us and positive talk of our lives together. There are things none of us can bring ourselves to say about this move. We are all just embracing it as a way to make Tom's life the very best. May God help us to do just that.
Last evening Kylisa came over and we began packing. Tom and I have moved many times and it's never overwhelmed me before but without Kylisa last night I don't know where I would have begun. In fact, before she came I couldn't see that we had much to do--I know better now. She was so good at giving direction and taking charge. I am so thankful for these children who have grown into such amazing adults, who have stepped in to take charge and give such loving care at this time in our lives. Tom and I both thank God for the gift of each one.
Our vacation to Oregon was fun. It was great having grandson Hunter with us--even though he takes GREAT delight in scaring his ol' granny! I tell him he is going to be sorry someday when I have a heart attack over one of his scares--he just laughs and plans his next forray. It was great b eing with the Phillips and I am thankful for George taking the time to get Tom to "talk" with him.
One of Tom's favorite memories is visiting the Flavel House in Astoria--built in 1885 it is such a beautiful old house and such a good lesson in history. We also spent an afternoon in Seaside. When the walk became more than Tom could do our friends suggested a wheelchair. I didn't know how Tom would react but he was okay with it and we were able to keep going all the way to the beach. I'm glad he was receptive to it BUT it's such a reminder of how much stamina he has lost--something else this enemy has taken. God give us strength to face whatever comes and to stay focused on today alone. We also visited and enjoyed the Tillamook Cheese Factory--but again it centered around food! All I can say is that Tom is amazing to be so uncomplaining!
Yesterday we spent the day at Kirstin's caring for Moose while Kirstin and Yura finished painting their new bedroom. I cannot stop being grateful for the gift they are giving us. The model of multiple generations living together is such an old one and already I am starting to see the precious value of it. I've had many emotions in getting ready for this but after yesterday I feel nothing but anticipation of something very good. They are doing a wonderful job of making us feel welcome--simple things like clearing space for us and positive talk of our lives together. There are things none of us can bring ourselves to say about this move. We are all just embracing it as a way to make Tom's life the very best. May God help us to do just that.
Last evening Kylisa came over and we began packing. Tom and I have moved many times and it's never overwhelmed me before but without Kylisa last night I don't know where I would have begun. In fact, before she came I couldn't see that we had much to do--I know better now. She was so good at giving direction and taking charge. I am so thankful for these children who have grown into such amazing adults, who have stepped in to take charge and give such loving care at this time in our lives. Tom and I both thank God for the gift of each one.
Our vacation to Oregon was fun. It was great having grandson Hunter with us--even though he takes GREAT delight in scaring his ol' granny! I tell him he is going to be sorry someday when I have a heart attack over one of his scares--he just laughs and plans his next forray. It was great b eing with the Phillips and I am thankful for George taking the time to get Tom to "talk" with him.
One of Tom's favorite memories is visiting the Flavel House in Astoria--built in 1885 it is such a beautiful old house and such a good lesson in history. We also spent an afternoon in Seaside. When the walk became more than Tom could do our friends suggested a wheelchair. I didn't know how Tom would react but he was okay with it and we were able to keep going all the way to the beach. I'm glad he was receptive to it BUT it's such a reminder of how much stamina he has lost--something else this enemy has taken. God give us strength to face whatever comes and to stay focused on today alone. We also visited and enjoyed the Tillamook Cheese Factory--but again it centered around food! All I can say is that Tom is amazing to be so uncomplaining!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tom got his swing
Phew! It's a lot of work getting ready to go on vacation. Tomorrow we leave for Seaside, Oregon for a week. We are both looking forward to it. Tom is especially animated over it. It will be great having Hunter with us--he will keep us very entertained with all his antics! We'll also have some Sorry tournaments and maybe even teach him cribbage.
Sunday was very special. Our children gave Tom a porch swing and had it all set up at Kirstin's when we arrived. He loved sitting in it. He wrote to his friend on email that he was going to enjoy watching the neighborhood from it when we move in. I can't wait to sit and read to grandboys while we swing--if Tom will share. He also got his Viking hat--see pictures! I always enjoy hearing from him when we leave after being with our family and hearing how much he loves them and loves being with them.
Monday Tom was especially talkative with his white board. One thing he shared was that he had had a nightmare the night before about the surgical procedure that has been proposed to separate his wind pipe and esophagus. He said he did not want to have it done and he didn't even want to go to the doctor's appointment to hear more about it. His words were, "I want there to be some of me left." I really understood what he was saying and I was so happy to hear him taking charge. It's like he's come out of this fog--I think it's the fog of denial that set in with hearing the diagnosis. He's much clearer thinking. I can even see it in his eyes. Today he asked about the medications I am giving him. Up until now he has just sat back and let me make the decisions--and that's been hard because it's HIS life but he just hasn't wanted to talk about it. Today he made some decisions about the medications he is taking and I'm sure it must have felt good to do that.
Today he drove himself to the barber and then stopped by our bank. This is the bank where Tom would often stop by just to have a cup of coffee and chat with "his girls." When he walked in he said that he was surrounded by "his girls" who gave him hugs and told him how much they have missed seeing him. They had sent him a card that had been returned to them because of a wrong address so they gave him the card in person. Here are a few of the comments: "I miss seeing your smile and kind personality and our 'Christian talks'." "Sure miss our visits over coffee at the bank and your wonderful smile." "Tom, you are a person who has brightened our day with just stoping by." "Thank you for blessing our branch with your smile and spirit when you came in to have coffee."
What a boomerang joy! Tom has blessed them with his smile, his kind words and his presence. They have blessed him with their hugs and words of encouragement and love. Today is a memory Tom will long treasure the memory of today.
It's amazing the affect Tom's bright spirit and "take charge" attitude is having on me. I feel SO ALIVE and filled with joy. There are times when it feels heavy, like carrying a weight but not right now. I feel light and can't think of any other way to say it other than ALIVE. And, oh, so in love with Tom!
Sunday was very special. Our children gave Tom a porch swing and had it all set up at Kirstin's when we arrived. He loved sitting in it. He wrote to his friend on email that he was going to enjoy watching the neighborhood from it when we move in. I can't wait to sit and read to grandboys while we swing--if Tom will share. He also got his Viking hat--see pictures! I always enjoy hearing from him when we leave after being with our family and hearing how much he loves them and loves being with them.
Monday Tom was especially talkative with his white board. One thing he shared was that he had had a nightmare the night before about the surgical procedure that has been proposed to separate his wind pipe and esophagus. He said he did not want to have it done and he didn't even want to go to the doctor's appointment to hear more about it. His words were, "I want there to be some of me left." I really understood what he was saying and I was so happy to hear him taking charge. It's like he's come out of this fog--I think it's the fog of denial that set in with hearing the diagnosis. He's much clearer thinking. I can even see it in his eyes. Today he asked about the medications I am giving him. Up until now he has just sat back and let me make the decisions--and that's been hard because it's HIS life but he just hasn't wanted to talk about it. Today he made some decisions about the medications he is taking and I'm sure it must have felt good to do that.
Today he drove himself to the barber and then stopped by our bank. This is the bank where Tom would often stop by just to have a cup of coffee and chat with "his girls." When he walked in he said that he was surrounded by "his girls" who gave him hugs and told him how much they have missed seeing him. They had sent him a card that had been returned to them because of a wrong address so they gave him the card in person. Here are a few of the comments: "I miss seeing your smile and kind personality and our 'Christian talks'." "Sure miss our visits over coffee at the bank and your wonderful smile." "Tom, you are a person who has brightened our day with just stoping by." "Thank you for blessing our branch with your smile and spirit when you came in to have coffee."
What a boomerang joy! Tom has blessed them with his smile, his kind words and his presence. They have blessed him with their hugs and words of encouragement and love. Today is a memory Tom will long treasure the memory of today.
It's amazing the affect Tom's bright spirit and "take charge" attitude is having on me. I feel SO ALIVE and filled with joy. There are times when it feels heavy, like carrying a weight but not right now. I feel light and can't think of any other way to say it other than ALIVE. And, oh, so in love with Tom!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Ordinary and simple living
Ordinary day. Simple living. These are good. We're in an interesting place right now. We've learned to accept the changes to Tom's body and the impact they have had on our lives. We're in a routine with the feedings. Tom is using the small white board often to "talk". We're looking forward to the "talk box" being delivered--hopefully soon. Tom continues to enjoy putting puzzles together. Today 2 "old" friends stopped by for a 3 way cribbage game. Tom won all three games! The man gets amazing cards--and knows what to do with them.
With any spare time I am sorting out and getting ready for our move to Seattle. Even in such a small space as our apartment it's amazing how much STUFF there is. It's a good process--freeing.
A good thought for the day:
God doesn't change me to love me.
God loves me to change me.
With any spare time I am sorting out and getting ready for our move to Seattle. Even in such a small space as our apartment it's amazing how much STUFF there is. It's a good process--freeing.
A good thought for the day:
God doesn't change me to love me.
God loves me to change me.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Not the day we expected
This was not what we had planned for today! This morning while giving Tom his meds through his feeding tube the tube got blocked. While trying to unblock it the tube sprung a bubble in an apparent weak spot. Back to finding out who would handle a tube problem--call #4 said we should go to emergency which we did. Arrived about 9:30. The doctor couldn't get it unblocked either so he sent Tom to radiology which put the tube in and they replaced the whole tube. It was very painful because Tom is just getting over an infection at the tube site--OUCH! We finally got home at 4:00. A long day but it's good that Tom's tube will be in good shape when we take off for a few days next week!
Had a great time camping with our RV friends/home fellowship group at Thunderbird--a camp ground near Monroe. It was nice not to have to drive too far but still get away and enjoy some RV time. The hard part is that when we get together much of our time is spent talking and eating--the two activities that are the most difficult for Tom. He was glad we went and it was a good practice run before we take off on our own for the Oregon coast. It's just so hard to know how much he wants to interact but it's so much work. Hoping the "talk box" will help AND that it comes soon. We're excited that our grandson Hunter is going to go to Oregon with us AND that our friends, George, Robin and Gabby will join us there.
One of the most memorable moments for me this weekend was the time I spent opening my Bible. There was a bookmark in it that I remember seeing in the past but don't remember reading it. What I read was so right on for where we are right now. And then to top it off, it was stuck in at Psalm 143 and when I read THAT Psalm I knew I had found exactly what I need for this time in life. I made some notes that I want to keep, thoughts that struck me as I read these words of David from so long ago. I don't want to forget how God spoke to me and encouraged me. The words in blue are my words in response to the words from the Bible.
1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous.
Thank you for the assurance that you do listen and will hear me when I come to you. You are faithful at all times--even when I don't understand.
2 Don't bring your servant to trial! Compared to you, no one is perfect.
I DON'T LIKE THIS!!!! I know I am not up to this trial in my own power. I'm so full of imperfection next to your perfection.
3 My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground. He forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave.
ALS, FEAR, ANXIETY, IMPATIENCE are my enemies.
4 I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.
The paralyzing anxiety I felt in the grocery store when even deciding on what to get for lunch was totally overwhelming. The memory of wanting to scream as loud as I could haunts me. The times it feels like I have been punched in the stomach and it's hard to catch my breath.
5 I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works. I think about what you have done.
I remember all the times you've shown up in my life, all the ways you have worked in the past. Thank you that we have those times TOGETHER--they bring assurance of how You work and how much you care.
6 I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.
As never before, I hunger and thirst for YOU in the midst of this trial. In "easy" times it's easy to go my own way. In the "hard" times it's hard to stay away from You.
7 Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die.
Without YOU all hope would die. What do people do who don't have YOU--where do they go, who do they lean on? I don't ever want to experience the absence of YOU in my life. You are my only hope.
8 Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer.
Your love and mercy ARE new every morning. Yesterday is a memory and a reminder of your faithfulness. Tomorrow is a hope. Today I experience YOU and it's new every morning. Give me the strengh for THIS day. Help me to trust you THIS day. Help my unbelief when it shows up THIS day. Give me your direction and guidance and then help me to trust and obey THIS day. Tomorrow I'll ask you again!
9 Save me from my enemies, LORD; I run to you to hide me.
Bury me in your arms--the only place of total peace and protection--what an incredibly comforting picture.
10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.
In Your will is where I long to live. Your gracious Spirit is full of patience so when it takes many tries to "get it," keep after me. Help me to stay on firm footing--to stay on the Rock.
11 For the glory of your name, O LORD, save me. In your righteousness, bring me out of this distress.
Yours is the glory--may all the honor be Yours for what You are doing. May You shine thru my life and show others Your love, care and faithfulness.
12 In your unfailing love, cut off all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.
The enemies of fear and anxiety, of ALS robbing me of my husband. In the midst of all that there is YOU.
This is what is written on the bookmark:
"Be at peace. Do not fear the changes of life. Rather look to them with full hope as they arise. God, whose very own you are, will deliver you out of them. he has kept you hitherto, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will bury you in His arms. Do not be afraid of what may happen tomorrow; the same everlastingFather who cares for you today will take care of you then and everyday. He will either shield you from suffering, or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations." (St. Francis de Sales)
Had a great time camping with our RV friends/home fellowship group at Thunderbird--a camp ground near Monroe. It was nice not to have to drive too far but still get away and enjoy some RV time. The hard part is that when we get together much of our time is spent talking and eating--the two activities that are the most difficult for Tom. He was glad we went and it was a good practice run before we take off on our own for the Oregon coast. It's just so hard to know how much he wants to interact but it's so much work. Hoping the "talk box" will help AND that it comes soon. We're excited that our grandson Hunter is going to go to Oregon with us AND that our friends, George, Robin and Gabby will join us there.
One of the most memorable moments for me this weekend was the time I spent opening my Bible. There was a bookmark in it that I remember seeing in the past but don't remember reading it. What I read was so right on for where we are right now. And then to top it off, it was stuck in at Psalm 143 and when I read THAT Psalm I knew I had found exactly what I need for this time in life. I made some notes that I want to keep, thoughts that struck me as I read these words of David from so long ago. I don't want to forget how God spoke to me and encouraged me. The words in blue are my words in response to the words from the Bible.
1 Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous.
Thank you for the assurance that you do listen and will hear me when I come to you. You are faithful at all times--even when I don't understand.
2 Don't bring your servant to trial! Compared to you, no one is perfect.
I DON'T LIKE THIS!!!! I know I am not up to this trial in my own power. I'm so full of imperfection next to your perfection.
3 My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground. He forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave.
ALS, FEAR, ANXIETY, IMPATIENCE are my enemies.
4 I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.
The paralyzing anxiety I felt in the grocery store when even deciding on what to get for lunch was totally overwhelming. The memory of wanting to scream as loud as I could haunts me. The times it feels like I have been punched in the stomach and it's hard to catch my breath.
5 I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works. I think about what you have done.
I remember all the times you've shown up in my life, all the ways you have worked in the past. Thank you that we have those times TOGETHER--they bring assurance of how You work and how much you care.
6 I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.
As never before, I hunger and thirst for YOU in the midst of this trial. In "easy" times it's easy to go my own way. In the "hard" times it's hard to stay away from You.
7 Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die.
Without YOU all hope would die. What do people do who don't have YOU--where do they go, who do they lean on? I don't ever want to experience the absence of YOU in my life. You are my only hope.
8 Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer.
Your love and mercy ARE new every morning. Yesterday is a memory and a reminder of your faithfulness. Tomorrow is a hope. Today I experience YOU and it's new every morning. Give me the strengh for THIS day. Help me to trust you THIS day. Help my unbelief when it shows up THIS day. Give me your direction and guidance and then help me to trust and obey THIS day. Tomorrow I'll ask you again!
9 Save me from my enemies, LORD; I run to you to hide me.
Bury me in your arms--the only place of total peace and protection--what an incredibly comforting picture.
10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.
In Your will is where I long to live. Your gracious Spirit is full of patience so when it takes many tries to "get it," keep after me. Help me to stay on firm footing--to stay on the Rock.
11 For the glory of your name, O LORD, save me. In your righteousness, bring me out of this distress.
Yours is the glory--may all the honor be Yours for what You are doing. May You shine thru my life and show others Your love, care and faithfulness.
12 In your unfailing love, cut off all my enemies and destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.
The enemies of fear and anxiety, of ALS robbing me of my husband. In the midst of all that there is YOU.
This is what is written on the bookmark:
"Be at peace. Do not fear the changes of life. Rather look to them with full hope as they arise. God, whose very own you are, will deliver you out of them. he has kept you hitherto, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will bury you in His arms. Do not be afraid of what may happen tomorrow; the same everlastingFather who cares for you today will take care of you then and everyday. He will either shield you from suffering, or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations." (St. Francis de Sales)
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