At peace

The last few weeks I've felt almost panicky about today and tomorrow.  Tom died on Monday the 10th of May 2010.  Today is Monday and tomorrow is the 10th.  But this last week has been very different.  The only way I can describe it is peace-filled.  I know there are many out there who are praying for me and I believe it has made a huge difference.

Tonight all my kids and grandkids (except Katie who is at school) gathered for dinner.  I spent the day cooking one of Tom's favorite Swedish meals--kaldomar (stuffed cabbage rolls).  I even made his favorite cake--also Swedish--a blotkake (lots of whip cream!)  It felt all day like I was cooking for Tom.  I knew how he would react to each of the foods, how he would wait till I was finished decorating the cake and then graciously clean up all that was left of the whip cream!  How he would comment how good the kaldomar smelled as it was baking.  How much he anticipated the family being together.

It felt so good to all be together.  We even had unexpected out of town relatives staying with us join in on the night.  All I can say is there is nothing like family.  I feel very blessed by God for the one he has given me and very loved by each one.  Who can ask for more?  I see Tom in each one, too.  He had and continues to have a powerful influence in our lives.  Thank you, God, for the gift of Tom.  Even though he wasn't here physically tonight he was here with us.  He would have enjoyed the night. 

And now the house is quiet and I am going to bed very thankful for the sense of peace I feel.  Tomorrow I am going to quilt with my friend Nancy.  We are making a quilt for our host family we will be staying with in the Czech Republic in July.  Finding ways to serve others, to make a difference in the lives of others is also a powerful grief fighting tool.

Yes, the emotions are near the surface but it doesn't feel frightening any more.  I know who is in charge and I trust him with my days.  He has proven himself so incredibly faithful this last year and way beyond.  I praise you, Lord.  Please tell Tom how much he is loved and missed.  Thank you that I can trust you with him, too.