I keep thinking every day that I am going to sit down and write and then another day goes by and it hasn't happened but I am not going to bed tonight until I have gotten some of what has been going on in my head down and out. It's been a week full of many emotions and searching.
I don't remember anything else that my pastor said last Sunday except a question that he asked--"Where is your focus?" The power of that simple question has had me wrestling and thinking all week. Sunday afternoon I spent sinking in a pity party until THAT QUESTION surfaced again and my answer had to be that my focus was on me--whoops! It was incredible how fast my mood/emotions/spirit lifted when I started singing praise songs. During the night I thought back on what had occured--a lesson I keep learning over and over--it's a minute by minute kind of thing. A funny kind of illustration came to mind--it's like a football team. If the quarterback does his own thing, focusing on himself the game becomes chaotic BUT when he follows the direction and guidance of the coach the plays make sense. A purpose and a plan is realized.
I don't know what God is doing with us but I know He does know. This is not a pause in our lives, a time out--we are doing life. I'm not being taken out of life. I'm being given the privilege of caring for a very special man. All this from being reminded to check where my focus is. It's either on me or it's on Jesus. If it's on me I'll never be satisfied or content. When it's on Jesus I experience peace and joy and an amazing contentment. Circumstances are the same. I'm not.
We're thankful that Tom has had no serious breathing episodes the last 12 days--just 2 more before the surgery. I asked him if he was nervous about it and he said, "no"--just want to get it done.
Today we went to the ALS Support Group--meets on the first Saturday of the month. What a wonderful group of people who are bonded together by a common battle. Today there was a lot of laughter shared. Very determined people to live life to the fullest. Inspiring.
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From your cousin Susie:
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right about the focus, but don't be too hard on yourself about the "pity party" thing. It's the other side of the "compassion" coin, I think. You have a big, emotional heart and that is one of the reasons why everyone loves you. The other side of that emotion is that you FEEL things so strongly. I recognize that in me too -- it must be a family trait! Any strength we have taken to the extreme becomes a weakness.
I love what you said about singing praise songs, that really does help. Have you listened to Fernando Ortega? He is one of my favorites. I discovered him at an Ann Grahamn Lottts event a few years ago.
I'm praying for you and Tom. Love You -- Susie