Mixed day

It's been a day of mixed emotions--highs and lows. Neither one of us slept very good last night. Tom got up and worked on a puzzle somewhere around 2:00 am. I woke up a little while later and checked on him. I hate waking up and he's not in be with me--what a lonely place without him there. When I went back to bed my mind was all over the place, thinking of decisions I needed to think about making--thoughts I have avoided just trying to think about each day as it comes. Finally I turned to the 23rd Psalm--the Lord is my Shepherd--and prayed that Jesus would shepherd me and Tom--knowing that He knows all things and the plans He has for our lives. I also decided that trying to make any kind of decision in the middle of the night is a very silly thing to do (I didn't use "stupid" but that goes along with silly!)

Needless to say when Tom woke at 6:30 I was NOT ready to get up but a feeding tube will not wait--like I said before--a great alarm. It was hard leaving Tom to go to the first service without Tom--I always go early, teach children's church and then Tom meets me for the second service. Well, this morning I just welled up with tears with each person who hugged me. Tried sitting in the service but couldn't hold back the tears. Finally I talked to my teaching partner and said I didn't think I could teach this morning and she graciously took over. I drove home and picked up Tom. I was so glad to be back with him. Together we're good--it's hard to be apart. Enjoyed the worship service--special treat that daughter April and Rocky, Autumn and Kienan joined us.

Tom was very tired after church. He laid down for a nap as soon as we got home. I wasn't far behind him. Daughter Kirstin, Yura, Hunter and Moose came over for a Mother's Day visit. Hunter won the Sorry game with Far (Tom) a close second. I beat Yura for third! That means Yura came in LAST--but who's keeping score?! Kylisa is taking care of Ava (2 1/2) and Owen (1) for 3 nights so she gets the mother of the year award--4 kids under 3! She called after coming home from the zoo to say that they came home with all 4--didn't lose a one! Kemp is returning from picking up a friend's boat in the San Juans and taking it to Anacortes.

I think that last night a burst of reality hit--this isn't going away without a miracle. We're in this together. How can I complain when it's Tom who is suffering the effects of this terrible illness. If I start complaining then how can I be there for him? How can I complain when we've been blessed with so much for so many years? How can I complain when so many are suffering so much more? That's one thing my travels to Ethiopia showed me--how people with so little and such great suffering need so little and have so much to give. I think of the children at the Street Kid School--live on the street during the nights, come to this school that we would cal little more than a few small rooms with not much in the way of supplies during the day. The smiles on those faces will stay with me forever.

No, I don't like it--it hurts so much. But I know God can use this for His good and pray that He will somehow be honored through our journey. This morning just having people hold me while I cried was such a blessing--no words had to be spoken--just caring hugs and touches, prayers spoken spontaneously in response to the pain and shared love.