Just in time

It's always amazing how when God is teaching me something how he gives me the opportunity to practice it! On Wednesday I was listening to a Christian teacher on my way to my office--running late but arriving just as the speaker finished. He was talking about why we swing from trust to doubt in our relationship with God. He said we swing to the doubt side when we focus on the circumstances, when we feel weak, listen to our interpretation of our circumstances or the interpretation of others, or listen to the whispers of Satan. We swing back to trust when we remember the promises of God, recall the nature of God, ask God to show us His perspective, practice God centered prayer and wait on God (as opposed to "what can I do to fix it?").

The very next day i had such a struggle coping with ANYTHING. My focus had shifted to all that I lost and was losing. Anxious thoughts about the future filled my mind. My daughter invited me months ago to go with her and friends to a fun event on Saturday but now my head was saying that I shouldn't be having such "frivilous fun" when so much serious stuff was going on in the family and all around us.

The next day I thought about the lesson I had learned and thought about my Thursday--I had swung to the doubt side but sure didn't want to stay there. I started to think about the promises and nature of God. I asked His perspective and spent time just praising Him. It worked. My whole perspective changed and joy returned.

On Saturday morning Tom and I attended the memorial service for Vanessa. When we arrived we were delighted to see so many people from our past whose paths we rarely cross any more. Tom was his old gregarious self and I found it hard to keep up with him as he went from person to person greeting them with his hugs and expression of "it's so good to see you!" The service was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman and the Jesus she loves. I wore pink because it was her favorite color and I thought (too late) how fun it would have been to suggest that everyone to wear her favorite color to her honor--she would have loved it!

On our way home Tom had difficulty breathing but when I asked him about going to a doctor to get it checked he said no, he just wanted to go home and get some sleep which we did. When he woke up 2 hours later he was gasping for air and I said that's it, we're going to the ER. We arrived at 4:30 pm and 12 hours later we were admitted to the hospital. Haven't pulled an all nighter in years--it's going to take awhile to catch up on that lost sleep. We knew god was in control when the doctor came in and told us that he understood what we were talking about because his father had ALS.

Tom had another breathing episode while in ER so thre doctor was able to see what we were talking about. Apparently it's not just the secretions that Tom has to battle but the muscles in the larynx are weakening and that is adding to his difficulties. It was decided that staying in the hosital through Monday and seeing several of our specialists was the way to go.

By Sunday the respiratory therapist had already helped us by teaching us new suction techniques. We were able to prevent several episodes from taking hold so that was good news. The other goal is to complete a medical directive or rather, confirm that the medical directive Tom has is what he still wants. Those converations will take place on Monday.

May God help us to think clearly, to seek His will for our lives and to rest in His peace and grace AND the knowledge that His Son has paid the price for our salvation. The promise of eternal life makes all the difference. May our lives truly reflect His presence with us and in us.