Now I know why God gave us memories--to carry us through days like today. I have so enjoyed thinking back over the years of Thanksgivings celebrated with extended family. All my growing up years there were aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents who would gather every year to celebrate. Only one thing I regret from those early years--my cousin Judi had me convinced that I would not like pumpkin pie but she was willing to take it off my hands. Not sure when I discovered that I really did like it--she owes me a lot of pie!
Tom had a rough night last night along with running a low grade fever. It was normal this morning but up again tonight. Not sure what is going on. With little sleep over night we both napped today. I am up much too late tonight but am enjoying putting remembrances of Tom into a book and lost track of the time. I will keep this entry short.
Kemp and Angie brought me a plate of tradition goodies which I thoroughly enjoyed. Tom pretended that his formula dinner was really turkey. The best part of our day was sitting and reading all the messages of thanksgiving for Tom from family and friends. Tom wrote that he was "overwhelmed" by what people shared. It is a beautiful thing to see a picture of a person painted with words. I love it that people can see into Tom for who he is--that he is so open and real, that he so genuinely loves and cares. (If you are reading this and would like to send in your thoughts about Tom I would love to add it to this work in progress. I plan to have the book ready to go to print by Dec 1. It's also fun to add a picture to go with your words.)
12 more days until the surgery--we are counting them down. But today we will end by saying again how thankful we are for so much in our lives--for our family, children, grandchildren, and dear friends who have become family. We thank God for each of you--gifts to treasure always. Most of all we are thankful for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ who binds us all together.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
What day is it anyway?
It's the end of Monday but so much has happened today that it feels more like Tuesday!
Our day was filled with many doctors visits. Kemp and Kylisa joined us to hear what they had to say. At 2:30 I think there were 7 doctors in our room to discuss the future. Last summer Tom had refused a procedure to surgically separate his trachea and esophagus. After experiencing the inability to breathe he was willing to listen again. The doctors patiently described the procedure and the pros and cons. Tom is considered a prime candidate for it since it would eliminate the possiblity of aspirating or choking. It would mean having a hole in the front of his neck but he would be able to put food in his mouth again to at least taste it without worrying about it going down the wrong pipe. When the doctors left we talked it over and Tom said he wanted to have it done. We let one of the doctors know and they got in touch with the doctor who does this surgery. We were amazed when he and his assistant came to our room at 6:00 pm to talk about it. He agreed that Tom was a prime candidate for the surgery. We asked when he would be able to do it. (We are concerned about going home and still having to deal with the problem of breathing.) The doctor said that there is a possibility he could do it TOMORROW IF he can work out the schedule. I asked Tom if that was too fast and he wrote, "Not fast enough." We are hoping and praying it will be tomorrow. We will know about noon.
Next cool thing--the doctor's assistant told us that just a few doors down was a woman who had the surgery done just last week. (The doctor told us he averages one of these per year!) We asked if we might be able to meet her and were given a positive response. We enjoyed meeting Lynn and Peter and now have new friends. They answered a lot of our questions and were very encouraging about the procedure.
Tom is sleeping. I have finally finished my lunch. The nurse was able to get me connected to the internet so I am feeling connected again. And now I will try to get some sleep, too, and wait to see what tomorrow will bring.
Our day was filled with many doctors visits. Kemp and Kylisa joined us to hear what they had to say. At 2:30 I think there were 7 doctors in our room to discuss the future. Last summer Tom had refused a procedure to surgically separate his trachea and esophagus. After experiencing the inability to breathe he was willing to listen again. The doctors patiently described the procedure and the pros and cons. Tom is considered a prime candidate for it since it would eliminate the possiblity of aspirating or choking. It would mean having a hole in the front of his neck but he would be able to put food in his mouth again to at least taste it without worrying about it going down the wrong pipe. When the doctors left we talked it over and Tom said he wanted to have it done. We let one of the doctors know and they got in touch with the doctor who does this surgery. We were amazed when he and his assistant came to our room at 6:00 pm to talk about it. He agreed that Tom was a prime candidate for the surgery. We asked when he would be able to do it. (We are concerned about going home and still having to deal with the problem of breathing.) The doctor said that there is a possibility he could do it TOMORROW IF he can work out the schedule. I asked Tom if that was too fast and he wrote, "Not fast enough." We are hoping and praying it will be tomorrow. We will know about noon.
Next cool thing--the doctor's assistant told us that just a few doors down was a woman who had the surgery done just last week. (The doctor told us he averages one of these per year!) We asked if we might be able to meet her and were given a positive response. We enjoyed meeting Lynn and Peter and now have new friends. They answered a lot of our questions and were very encouraging about the procedure.
Tom is sleeping. I have finally finished my lunch. The nurse was able to get me connected to the internet so I am feeling connected again. And now I will try to get some sleep, too, and wait to see what tomorrow will bring.
Just in time
It's always amazing how when God is teaching me something how he gives me the opportunity to practice it! On Wednesday I was listening to a Christian teacher on my way to my office--running late but arriving just as the speaker finished. He was talking about why we swing from trust to doubt in our relationship with God. He said we swing to the doubt side when we focus on the circumstances, when we feel weak, listen to our interpretation of our circumstances or the interpretation of others, or listen to the whispers of Satan. We swing back to trust when we remember the promises of God, recall the nature of God, ask God to show us His perspective, practice God centered prayer and wait on God (as opposed to "what can I do to fix it?").
The very next day i had such a struggle coping with ANYTHING. My focus had shifted to all that I lost and was losing. Anxious thoughts about the future filled my mind. My daughter invited me months ago to go with her and friends to a fun event on Saturday but now my head was saying that I shouldn't be having such "frivilous fun" when so much serious stuff was going on in the family and all around us.
The next day I thought about the lesson I had learned and thought about my Thursday--I had swung to the doubt side but sure didn't want to stay there. I started to think about the promises and nature of God. I asked His perspective and spent time just praising Him. It worked. My whole perspective changed and joy returned.
On Saturday morning Tom and I attended the memorial service for Vanessa. When we arrived we were delighted to see so many people from our past whose paths we rarely cross any more. Tom was his old gregarious self and I found it hard to keep up with him as he went from person to person greeting them with his hugs and expression of "it's so good to see you!" The service was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman and the Jesus she loves. I wore pink because it was her favorite color and I thought (too late) how fun it would have been to suggest that everyone to wear her favorite color to her honor--she would have loved it!
On our way home Tom had difficulty breathing but when I asked him about going to a doctor to get it checked he said no, he just wanted to go home and get some sleep which we did. When he woke up 2 hours later he was gasping for air and I said that's it, we're going to the ER. We arrived at 4:30 pm and 12 hours later we were admitted to the hospital. Haven't pulled an all nighter in years--it's going to take awhile to catch up on that lost sleep. We knew god was in control when the doctor came in and told us that he understood what we were talking about because his father had ALS.
Tom had another breathing episode while in ER so thre doctor was able to see what we were talking about. Apparently it's not just the secretions that Tom has to battle but the muscles in the larynx are weakening and that is adding to his difficulties. It was decided that staying in the hosital through Monday and seeing several of our specialists was the way to go.
By Sunday the respiratory therapist had already helped us by teaching us new suction techniques. We were able to prevent several episodes from taking hold so that was good news. The other goal is to complete a medical directive or rather, confirm that the medical directive Tom has is what he still wants. Those converations will take place on Monday.
May God help us to think clearly, to seek His will for our lives and to rest in His peace and grace AND the knowledge that His Son has paid the price for our salvation. The promise of eternal life makes all the difference. May our lives truly reflect His presence with us and in us.
The very next day i had such a struggle coping with ANYTHING. My focus had shifted to all that I lost and was losing. Anxious thoughts about the future filled my mind. My daughter invited me months ago to go with her and friends to a fun event on Saturday but now my head was saying that I shouldn't be having such "frivilous fun" when so much serious stuff was going on in the family and all around us.
The next day I thought about the lesson I had learned and thought about my Thursday--I had swung to the doubt side but sure didn't want to stay there. I started to think about the promises and nature of God. I asked His perspective and spent time just praising Him. It worked. My whole perspective changed and joy returned.
On Saturday morning Tom and I attended the memorial service for Vanessa. When we arrived we were delighted to see so many people from our past whose paths we rarely cross any more. Tom was his old gregarious self and I found it hard to keep up with him as he went from person to person greeting them with his hugs and expression of "it's so good to see you!" The service was a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman and the Jesus she loves. I wore pink because it was her favorite color and I thought (too late) how fun it would have been to suggest that everyone to wear her favorite color to her honor--she would have loved it!
On our way home Tom had difficulty breathing but when I asked him about going to a doctor to get it checked he said no, he just wanted to go home and get some sleep which we did. When he woke up 2 hours later he was gasping for air and I said that's it, we're going to the ER. We arrived at 4:30 pm and 12 hours later we were admitted to the hospital. Haven't pulled an all nighter in years--it's going to take awhile to catch up on that lost sleep. We knew god was in control when the doctor came in and told us that he understood what we were talking about because his father had ALS.
Tom had another breathing episode while in ER so thre doctor was able to see what we were talking about. Apparently it's not just the secretions that Tom has to battle but the muscles in the larynx are weakening and that is adding to his difficulties. It was decided that staying in the hosital through Monday and seeing several of our specialists was the way to go.
By Sunday the respiratory therapist had already helped us by teaching us new suction techniques. We were able to prevent several episodes from taking hold so that was good news. The other goal is to complete a medical directive or rather, confirm that the medical directive Tom has is what he still wants. Those converations will take place on Monday.
May God help us to think clearly, to seek His will for our lives and to rest in His peace and grace AND the knowledge that His Son has paid the price for our salvation. The promise of eternal life makes all the difference. May our lives truly reflect His presence with us and in us.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Catching up
On Sunday evening Vanessa went home to be with the Lord. Vanessa is the wife of our worship leader at church. She plays the piano like few others. Sometimes I called her Brenda--which made us both laught. She had double pnemonia, H1N1 and other health issues. She is going to be very missed. The picture I have of Vanessa is sitting at a perfectly tuned piano using the incredible gift God gave her and playing to everyone's delight. Her fingers will work perfectly and she will have feeling in her feet. She will have no more pain. We grieve because we will miss her but she is with her Lord and Savior. What great joy!
Today Ruth suffered a stroke and aneurism. Ruth is in her 80s and full of wisdom. She is in Harborview where they hope to relieve the bleeding and get it stopped. Ruth is God's ambassador to so many of us. She speaks words of wisdom and encouragement. She calls just when you need her. If she could speak to us tonight I think she would be saying, "Don't worry about me. I'm safe with my Jesus. Remember how much He loves you." I pray that God will return her to us for awhile longer. I for one, am not ready to do life without her. I trust God with Ruth. I know she has absolute confidence in Him.
I haven't written for a long time. These two events have reminded me not to put off that which I consider important. For some reason writting has been difficult. I began several times but always deleted it. I need to write so this time I will hit "publish" and not delete no matter what.
Tom continues to battle the saliva. He has had two botox treatments. While I believe it is helping, the challenge is knowing what medication to give and how much. It's a guessing game. His sense of humor is still intact for which I will always be grateful. To say, "I love you", he touches my finger with his finger. Then one day he touched 2 fingers to 2 fingers. But the one I like is when he touched all 5 fingers to all 5 fingers. He still has lots of love to give and I'm soaking it up.
Haven't written since before our son's wedding. I don't think I've ever been to such a FUN celebration. Angie has an amazing eye for detail and did an outstanding job of planning and executing the weekend. The weather even cooperated--beautiful blue sky days. Tom did dance me down the aisle but turned in for the evening before we had a chance to dance on the dance floor. Being in a large group of people is difficult so after watching the wedding and spending some time with he dear friend, Bob, he was ready to call it a night. After helping him turn in I, however, returned to the festivities and thoroughly enjoyed the party. I even got to dance with my grandson Hunter and granddaughter Katie.
Two weeks ago I submitted my letter of retirement from Children's Ministry at the end of December. Eleven years ago God made it very clear that He was calling me into this ministry. He has now made it very clear that He is calling me out of it. I will miss it but I need to just focus on taking care of Tom right now. Multitasking just isn't as easy as it has been. I know God has a plan for us and will wait to see how He leads. Meanwhile I plan to take life one day at a time and hopefully live it to the fullest.
Today Ruth suffered a stroke and aneurism. Ruth is in her 80s and full of wisdom. She is in Harborview where they hope to relieve the bleeding and get it stopped. Ruth is God's ambassador to so many of us. She speaks words of wisdom and encouragement. She calls just when you need her. If she could speak to us tonight I think she would be saying, "Don't worry about me. I'm safe with my Jesus. Remember how much He loves you." I pray that God will return her to us for awhile longer. I for one, am not ready to do life without her. I trust God with Ruth. I know she has absolute confidence in Him.
I haven't written for a long time. These two events have reminded me not to put off that which I consider important. For some reason writting has been difficult. I began several times but always deleted it. I need to write so this time I will hit "publish" and not delete no matter what.
Tom continues to battle the saliva. He has had two botox treatments. While I believe it is helping, the challenge is knowing what medication to give and how much. It's a guessing game. His sense of humor is still intact for which I will always be grateful. To say, "I love you", he touches my finger with his finger. Then one day he touched 2 fingers to 2 fingers. But the one I like is when he touched all 5 fingers to all 5 fingers. He still has lots of love to give and I'm soaking it up.
Haven't written since before our son's wedding. I don't think I've ever been to such a FUN celebration. Angie has an amazing eye for detail and did an outstanding job of planning and executing the weekend. The weather even cooperated--beautiful blue sky days. Tom did dance me down the aisle but turned in for the evening before we had a chance to dance on the dance floor. Being in a large group of people is difficult so after watching the wedding and spending some time with he dear friend, Bob, he was ready to call it a night. After helping him turn in I, however, returned to the festivities and thoroughly enjoyed the party. I even got to dance with my grandson Hunter and granddaughter Katie.
Two weeks ago I submitted my letter of retirement from Children's Ministry at the end of December. Eleven years ago God made it very clear that He was calling me into this ministry. He has now made it very clear that He is calling me out of it. I will miss it but I need to just focus on taking care of Tom right now. Multitasking just isn't as easy as it has been. I know God has a plan for us and will wait to see how He leads. Meanwhile I plan to take life one day at a time and hopefully live it to the fullest.
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